I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
