tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
please don't ironically join a cult
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