I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
