He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
