My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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