Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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