That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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