I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
