I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
