That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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