What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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