whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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