Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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