Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
