i wish my penis had a tongue
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
