Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
