What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
where am i from again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
