so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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