oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Less talking, more tequila
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
