false alarm. still invincible.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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