under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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