i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
