.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
