So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
