two words: eviction party
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
