The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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