Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
