Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
