they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
