Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
