just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
