just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
