Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
