Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
