just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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