But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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