Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
