You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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