I faked an abortion last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
third nipple confirmed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
