**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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