please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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