he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
