I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
