He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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