I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
