Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
