I wanna bring you to show and tell
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
