so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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