This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize