its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
