if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
