someone threw a dead crab at me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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