I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
