I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
