I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
