I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
