He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
