k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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