So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
