my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
