the condom got lost in my hair
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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