I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
