if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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