I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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