ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A+ Viking dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
