I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
