she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
