The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
